Top Ten Irish Jokes

1. Six Irish men were playing poker when one of them played a bad hand and died.

The rest drew straws to see who would tell his wife. One man draws the shortest straw and goes to his friend’s house to tell the wife.

The man says to her, “Your husband lost some money in the poker game and is afraid to come home.”

The wife says, “Tell him to drop dead!” The man responds, “I’ll go tell him.”

2. What’s the difference between God and Bono? God doesn’t wander around Dublin thinking he’s Bono.

3. There are only three kinds of men who don’t understand women: young men, old men, and middle-aged men. (Irish saying).

4. Never iron a four leaf clover. You don’t want to press your luck.

5. The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scots as a joke, but the Scots haven’t got the joke yet.

6. The Irish way – Now don’t be talking about yourself while you’re here. We’ll surely be doing that after you leave.

7. Irish Blessing – As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.

8. Old Irish Curse – May those that love us love us, and those that don’t love us, may God turn their hearts. If He can’t turn their hearts, may He turn their ankles, so we’ll know them by their limping!

9. Irish diplomacy – the art of telling someone to go to hell in such a way they’ll look forward to the trip.

10. Try to say “Irish wristwatch”.